Thoughts on Mother’s Day

I believe motherhood is such a sacred, massive undertaking, it deserves to be chosen. Like many, I have a complicated relationship with Mother’s Day. I don’t have children. Yet I have the heart of a mother, even if I don’t have the official role. Some of the most amazing people I know also chose not to raise children.

I had the privilege to choose whether or not to become a mother. Not everyone gets to. I felt internal and external confusion, pressure, and assumptions, but ultimately knew it wasn’t for me. At times, I grew weary of the the “So, do you have kids” question and answered “Not that I know of...”

My flippant reply amused some and offended others. It hid a deeper truth that this was a huge decision, made over time. For years, I read books, talked it over, prayed about it, and even joined a women’s group centered around making this choice.

People are sometimes baffled that anyone chooses NOT to become a mother. Especially when the person is extremely “maternal” and loves kids, as I do. We’re told we’ll change our minds, we’re missing out, we don’t know “real love.” We can be seen as inferior.

Someone once told me that people who don’t have children are “selfish.” Actually said that to my dang face. This person is a pastor. Guiding people.

My heart is just as fierce as anyone raising a child. My experience of love is as deep, whether it’s for friends, family, nieces, nephews, godchildren, beloved pets and other animals (except you, spiders), or this fragile planet.

Years ago, I saw humpback whales breaching while driving along a Hawaiian coast. I rolled down the window and yelled, “Whaley-poos! Mama Lisa is here!” 

The heart of a mother loves who she loves…

If you celebrate Mother’s Day, I wish you joy. If Mother’s Day is painful for you, I wish you comfort. If you don’t know where you fit in, I wish you peace. I believe your life has value, whether you get a holiday or not.